Valentine's

Had an amazing birthday party last night... got so drunk... not so good. I am giving up alchohol and popcorn for lent. I have an RA interview tomorrow at 1 pm. Things have been going fairly well but it is still deep in the pit of my chest. It's quieted down, but never dies. Never. It will soon have been two years. I am no longer a child... 20 years in three days. I want so bad to have a grip on myself. I want to RECOVER RECOVER RECOVER and disconnect myself completely from every memory of him. FUck. I have so much... I have so many amazing friends who I love and would do anything for me, I go out with boys, I know what I want to do with my life and I have so much fun but he always remains. Love always remains. Like a terrible disease. I cannot comprehend how it is humanly possible to feel such a constant ache at the absence of one person. Out of all the millions of people in the world, one person who left me with a grave of sorrow.