AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I do not enjoy loosing sleep over some jerk just because he randomly texted me last week, what the hell?! I am so tired, I feel like I haven't slept for days, not just because of jerkface but I just can't seem to get a good rest. Crystallinne invited me to a party last night but I declined and was in bed by 9. Jenna and I are supposed to go work out in a half hour. I just want to curl up on the couch and eat icecream. BUT I WILL NOT. I need to get in shape. ACK. Today my mum and I went shopping at Dillards, they're having a huge sale where everything that's already on sale is an additional 40% off. I got shorts, black skinny jeans, two tops, and two panties... yippie! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Life is good. Chatted with Steve about two weeks ago, fought it out a little and it was good. I am still in love with him and I always will be. Jeff texted me out of the blue Wednesday night like "Hey how's it going? I was thinking about ya blah blah blah blah blah" I talked to him a little but didn't do too much to keep the conversation going and I guess he eventually gave up. Jerk, how dare you make me crazy in my head again! I have deleted the texts so I don't have his number any more, the best I can do is forget about him. Julia has been here from Germany, she's leaving tomorrow afternoon. We've been white water rafting, gone to Bozeman and Red Lodge, it's been fun. Jenna and I have been spending a lot of time together too, lots of little adventures. Yesterday was great, I went rock climbing on the rims in the morning and then last night met with Julia and Jenna and had a picnic and saw The Ugly Truth and then went skinnydipping in Lake Elmo, so scary but thrilling!! We didn't get to sleep til late and had to wake up early so I could drive Julia home, I was going off of 2 or 3 hours of sleep so after breakfast Jenna and I crawled into bed and slept til 3 in the afternoon. Then we went shopping for a bit and got creme brulee ice cream and ate it for dinner! Yumm, but I am getting fatter. We also went to the Holiday station to see if Owen was working and he was. He's shaved off his beard and it looks really good, I totally wanted to snog him and he may or may not of heard me talking to Jenna about him when we were walking back to my car and I didn't see him...

I do not wait for you, but my arms are doors I cannot close.

Today I texted Steve happy birthday. He never responded. I don't know what I expected. I had a meeting for Relay for Life, I'm volunteering tomorrow. A woman asked me how I got involved and I told her I began volunteering every summer after my exboyfriend and his family (the Wirkowskis) had brought me with a few years ago. Apparently she took a pilates class with Steve's mother and started asking me questions about what they're all doing now. Fuck if I know. I wish I did. I fucking care so much. Saturday is Elisa's wedding. I don't want to go. I want to, but I don't because I don't feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. What the hell, I don't know why I feel like such an antisocial hermit. I still go places with people, even though I have no desire. I just want to stay in my house with my books and my computer and be left alone. I want to go back to school and raise my gpa so I can get out of here, this isn't where I belong, this isn't home. I want to make something of myself, I want to be successful.

When you want to run home, where do you want to run to??
Texas. Or where ever he is.

I am not in an awesome mood today. I mean, things are going well, I have sent in applications to a few places, I am always getting calls and texts from people who want to meet, and Julia is in town for the next month. I had a dream about Jeff last night, that somehow we met up and I asked him why he never called and he told me I was a nag (I'm pretty sure it was for some other reason) and then I woke up and started thinking about Steve and how much I miss him and cried and cried and cried. It's been over a year, how weak!! I am hoping I get a job soon, preferably a waitress job where I'll make lots of tip money.