Chris called it quits. What the fuck. Just as he had convinced me to get over my antirelationship mindset, he changes his mind.

I just want to get drunk and makeout and feel nothing.

Neither Chris or Steve find it nessisary to return my texts or calls...

what the fuck.


On the bright side I have been sober all weekend!

I'm moving out of my dorm room and into a different hall with a French exchange student. My current roommate has been keeping me up every night and it is affecting my performance in school and I really resent it. But I am keeping things good cause there's no reason to start anything since the problem is being solved anyway. And my new roommate Mauva seems really nice.

He wants me to eventually be his girlfriend and I invited him over yesterday with the intention of telling him I wanted to try it out too but when it came down to it I just couldn't and we made out instead.

Honestly, the thought of a relationship sounds like a death sentence to me.

I really thought I'd be able to just keep hooking up with Chris without getting attatched...
gaaaaaaaaaaaaah I like him sooo much!

I pretty much almost threw myself at him in the middle of math class today. what stopped me? common decentsy I suppose.

Chris came over again last night, after we went to my friend's house for their little weekly party thing. I didn't drink anything and he had only one beer. I feel like it was wrong to take him there, that whole group is Steve's group of friends who just adopted me into their group this year, but Brett convinced me that I haaad to come and bring him with. Chris is soooooo nice, and he just doesn't seem like the type of guy who'd want to just hook up sometimes, that he would actually want a relationship, even though I told him I really don't want a boyfriend on Friday after the party and he was like, "noooooo I just want to hang out!" but he wants to meet for lunch or dinner today and I do actually really like him it's just weird. I don't know what to say about it.

Oh and... Steve is comming back next summer. Hence one of the reasons I don't want to trap myself in a new relationship (but not the only reason). I miss him alot. To be honest I don't think I'll even fully get over him.

But I do reeeeeeeeally like Chris :]

Ummmm... just kidding about this weekend being sober...

So last night C came to my dorm and we walked to the volleyball game and met his roommate there. It was cool but Arizona killed us and C and I left early and came back to my room and I showed him my pictures from Canada, France, and Norway. After that we were going to go to the dance they were having on campus but when we got there it was pretty crappy. It was early, so it was probably just because most people hadn't come yet. His friend new about this party that wasn't too far away so we met up with his roommate and another guy and went to a pirate party, as yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day. It was CRAZY! By the end of the night there was at LEASE 80-90 people jammed into this house! I know I said I wouldn't drink, but I did get a little drunk (just to my comfort level, I could still think and walk) and C admitted that he likes me and was really nervous about asking me out! We had alot of fun. I accidentally gave my number to a French foreign exchange student who was there, even though I like C I didn't really think of it like that haha. And there was another guy who kept telling me he loved me every time I ran into him and kept kissing my hand and randomly kissed me on the cheek!
Anyway, long story short C and I came back to my room (roomie is home for the weekend) and he stayed the night. All we did was makeout, I sweeeeeeeear, I don't mess around unless I'm in a serious relationship, but it was fuuuuuuun ;]

What a beautiful day!

Tank: Gap, Vest: Voice of Europe, Skirk: Gap, Tights: H&M

The hot guy in my math class gave me his phone number and wants to meet tonight!!!
Oh and this weekend will be a sober weekend, I need a break.

I am not going to apologize for the fact that I have the libido of a 15 year old boy.

A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.

I spent well over a year living for him, trying to be his stepford girlfriend. I was willing to do fucking ANYTHING to make it work, I even got my old greesy job at Wendy's back so I could budget my money to go visit him in England over Christmas break. But, because I've "changed"
too much, because I made two drunken makeout mistakes (since I've been SINGLE, mind you) he doesn't know if he doesn't want to get back together, and doesn't know if he's going to this summer.

Don't talk of love,

But I've heard the words before;

It's sleeping in my memory.

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.

If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a rock, I am an island.

I used to say... "It's not like I'm drunk every weekend!"

Um... I have not had a sober weekend in a month. Fuck. I already told Brett that I would GLADLY be the designated driver next weekend, I feel soooooooo shitty today. I seriously need to just stop. I mean, of course it's fun at the time, but I have a biiig paper to write today that's due tomorrow, and I seriously just feel like SHIT. And there's no way I'll be able to work off all those beer calories today.. I just feel nausious.



I miss Steve so, so fucking much.

My math teacher reminds me of a ninja turtle. The way he talks and everything. Totally serious.

My parents are comming up to visit today, they'll be here in an hour and a half.

I'm really fuckin worried about the hurricane in Texas. A&M even closed yesterday to let students go home, but Steve is stuck there. I'm reaaaaaaally stressed about it :[

These are some looks I love:

Guess who called

Dress: Mom's vintage, Belt: H&M, Tights: H&M, Shoes: Ross

It took him four days but he did call. And he is pretty upset about my drunken makeout sessions. Not that I blame him, I mean of course we're not together anymore but I was drunk texting him only a couple hours before I snogged Z last Friday telling him how much I love him. Fuckk, I really fucked up. He says he still loves me, and I asked him if I fucked up any future chance we might have had and he says no, he's just pretty upset about the whole thing. I feel sooooooooooo shitty. Fuck me.

To be honest, it's still really confusing. Part of me wants to just go CRAZY and party and drink and snog and just have fun, but the other 90% of me just wants to wait for Steve and have things as they were before.

Og eg savne Norge såååååå fuckin mye, håbe eg kan gå på Bergen Universitet neste år.

I was feeling stressed and fat today. So I rode my bike down to Ross and bought these:

I do feel much better. I also went to another burlesque dancing fitness class. Steve still hasn't called, I've waited three days. I will be moving on now.
Well, you know, I'll try.

And hopefully no one has forgotten what happened today seven years ago. May God be with us.

Top: Indiska, Jeans: Ross, Flats: Bianco

Guess who never called. Go figure.

Yesterday Olivia and I went to a burlesque dancing fitness class, and we're going again today. It was soooooooo much fun!!

I think I may have figured out what I want to do with my life. Maybe. But I can't tell anyone cause I don't want to jinx it. It's given me alot more motivation to work harder in college. But honestly, sometimes I feel so hopeless and ugly, and it's so rediculous. When I lay in bed at night I just wish I could go back to how things were a year ago, with Steve. What the hell Steve. And I think about how the only guys that have hit on me since I got here have been drunk. And we all know how alcohol makes everyone look better. Fuck me I just feel shitty.

Today's Outfit
Cardigan: Old Navy, Tank: Target, Skirt: Mango, Tights: H&M, Flats: Target

I went to go work out at the university gym yesterday for the first time, I took a yoga and a body sculpting class, they both kicked my butt! Afterwards I weighed myself, and it turns out I've lost 5 lbs in the week and a half I've been here! exciting!

I called Steve yesterday, and asked him what am I to him. He said we would talk about it today or tomorrow. Whatever.

Today's Outfit
Scarf: H&M, Tshirt: Ross, Pants: Voice of Europe, Shoes: Richard Tyler

So I've been thinking... what are Steve and I? We are not in a relationship, but we still tell each other we love each other, and he is all the way on the other side of the country... so...? I mean, Friday night was weird, but even in my drunken state I did sort of enjoy it... til I woke up sober the next morning haha. But it's not like I want to be a slut and snog every boy I see every weekend, but what if there is even a bit of a spark? So should I not kiss nice boys when I am not even taken? Not that I have anyone in particular on my mind but what if something did happen... I love Steve with all my heart, and I'm pretty sure that won't be going away... I am just confused.

I flipped out yesterday, and called Steve up bawling and told him everything, including the drunken hookup with M right after we broke up in the begining of summer. I don't know if I should have, he's not my boyfriend, anymore, but we're something, or we were, he says he doesn't think that he thinks any differently, but then again it hasn't sunk in yet. Then he had to go to a meeting and before he hung up he told me that he loves me. I hope he still does.

I went to the house again for another party last night, I had told Steve I wasn't ever going to drink again but after talking to my room mate about it we both decided that moderation is best, especially with my addictive personality that swings from one extreme to the other. I stopped at two beers and declined when offered more. I was sooooo tired, I had only had two and a half hours of sleep the night before, and no naps during the day, so I ended up passing out all cuddled on the couch at around 10.30 and slept through the whole party! And now I have homework.

Gettin an education?

Ummmmm.... wow. Did I ever get shitfaced last night. Tried to send Steve sexy texts and told him how much I love him... and then I got even drunker and made out with this guy Zach I met... gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. And now I am stressing that it might get back to Steve, and then he might not come back for the summer cause maybe he'll see me as a skank... fuck. I mean, last night was fun, just hanging out with everyone...n stuff, but the whole time I was snogging Zach I kept thinking about Steve, and then Zach said something about butterfly kisses and then he mentioned something about smurfs and I felt my eyes well up cause they were all inside things with Steve but I didn't cry, just almost. What the fuck. And then I would stop snogging him and try to go to sleep but everytime he would just want to start talking and asking me about my interests which was sweet but I was really drunk, REALLY tired, and pretty emotional about Steve and really was in no mood to chat. I am feeling like a slut. A shitty slut. I mean, I didn't fool around with Zach, I just don't usually do hookups. I just end up feeling crappy afterwards. I AM SO EMOTIONAL AND I FUCKIN MISS STEVE.

I am a fucking slut and I don't like who I've become this summer.

Today's Outfit
Top: Forever21, Jeans: Ross, Shoes: Payless, Necklace: H&M

Yesterday I rode my bike down to Ross from campus, it's pretty far, a few miles at least, I don't know how many kilometers. I got a big balloon-y embroidered top ($10 (50 nok)), a reaaaally nice pair of skinny jeans that remind me of a pair that Merete had ($8 (40 nok)) and a reeeeeeeally pretty Liz Clairborne dress for only $5!!! (25 nok!) Stopped by Gap and Old Navy, got a bright yellow bikini and a blue button down shirt too. Today I don't start class til 10 am and I was going to go work out this morning but my tummy doesn't feel too good.
Tonight I am going to the campus danse with Brett and her roommate, and then we are going to go pAArty. I need to focus on my work more.

Today's outfit
Top: Ross, Jacket: Costume National, Scarf: Wetseal, Pants: HotTopic, Shoes: Target

So, tomorrow is Friday. I'm going to the first dance with Brett and her roommate and if that ends up kinda sucking we're going to some local concert and after that we're going to a party at Wes's house. So it should be alot of fun. I'm glad that I'm getting to hang out with Steve's friends so much, I know we're not together anymore but he says he's probably comming back next summer and then things will be perfect. I hope. Gaaaaaaah. I really don't notice other guys here. I have met some really gorgeous guys here, like one from Austria (who has a girlfriend) and another from Lyon, France who I forgot to ask his name, but all I can think about when it comes to romance, or snogging hahahaha... is Steve. Last Sunday I drunk dialed Steve (as usual) and told him how much I love him and asked him if he still loves me too and he said yes. And last night I asked him if he meant that or if he was only saying that cause I was intoxicated and might start crying or something if he said no, and he said of course he means it. Stupid fuckin Texas.

Classes started yesterday.

First day of school outfit

Classes started yesterday, I only had two. All the freshman were supposed to go to some boooooooring speech in the evening but I met a group of Scandinavians and Germans who tried to teach me how to walk a tight rope, it was fun and I was pretty excited to speak Norske! Today was much harder, I had four classes and ended up passing out in bed for like two hours afterwards.

I've applied for a part time nanny job for a family that's pretty close to campus. I'd be working all of October and possible more after that but now thinking about it, it will start snowing here in Bozeman soon and it'll suck to ride my bike there in the cold if I get the job. Oh well, the hours are perfect and I would love sooooooooo much to get to cook for the kids. And the pay is pretty good so even if I did end up having to drive it wouldn't be too terrible cause I'd still be able to afford the gas prices.