Today I texted Steve happy birthday. He never responded. I don't know what I expected. I had a meeting for Relay for Life, I'm volunteering tomorrow. A woman asked me how I got involved and I told her I began volunteering every summer after my exboyfriend and his family (the Wirkowskis) had brought me with a few years ago. Apparently she took a pilates class with Steve's mother and started asking me questions about what they're all doing now. Fuck if I know. I wish I did. I fucking care so much. Saturday is Elisa's wedding. I don't want to go. I want to, but I don't because I don't feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. What the hell, I don't know why I feel like such an antisocial hermit. I still go places with people, even though I have no desire. I just want to stay in my house with my books and my computer and be left alone. I want to go back to school and raise my gpa so I can get out of here, this isn't where I belong, this isn't home. I want to make something of myself, I want to be successful.
When you want to run home, where do you want to run to??
Texas. Or where ever he is.
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