Tomorrow is one year since Steve and I broke up. My heart has been aching all week. :[

I can submit to everything that has happened and live a life of excuses… or I can push myself. I can push myself and make my life good.

“Eventually one of two things will happen: He’ll realize you’re worth it or you’ll realize he isnt.

Yeah, he never bothered to call or text. I feel I am wasting my time, and I think it's time to worry about other things. Like getting rid of this freshman beer belly.

Just got off the phone with Jeff. We talked for a half hour, I told him about Wes' 21st birthday party tomorrow night and invited him. He already has possible plans to go camping but he said he'd let me know tomorrow. Oooooooooooh gosh!! But I am not getting my hopes up, I do like him a lot but I am just not going to let myself get any more attatched than I already did unless we do become "official"

I got really really really drunk last night with Leslie, Clay, Matt, and Kasey. It was fun, but I had the most terrible hangover today and layed in bed all day, but it was wonderful because the sun was bright and shining on me through my window and the clouds were big and pillowy and I felt like I was melting into my blanket. Apparently I felt the need to drunk text, dial, and facebook everyone last night, including Jeff who didn't pick up or respond, and I am certain I didn't leave any drunken messages. Oh gosh, I should not do that. Ever. I have not heard from him since he called after he went home Wednesday night. Not a text or anything. Not sure what to make of it, but I think the clear message is probably that he is not so interested in me anymore. I will still send him a postcard from Norway and see how things go when I get back but I am not getting my hopes up and I am fine with that. I want to be persued, I hate persuing, and I won't for much longer. Speaking of which, we are leaving for Norway in two days. I haven't started packing yet but I am so excited!

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." Jeremiah 17:9

Um, Jeff and I were supposed to meet last night. I texted him at 10.30 and said, "So do you still want to meet? It's getting late" and he called, and said he had gotten so into packing, then got into a big argument with his RA and got so angry that he just drove home to Helena, and had completely forgotten about our plans and he's so sorry sorry sorry blah blah blah, and I'm such a great person, so sweet and genuine and he can tell between golden and BS and that I'm so genuine and he's so greatful he got to know me blah blah blah blah. And I was like, "Ummmmmm, so now what?" and he was like, "What do you mean?" "Well, did you want to hang out this summer?" and he was like, "Yeah of course! Billings isn't that far away, or we could meet in Bozeman for a Saturday and this and this and this" and I was like, "Seriously" "Yeah of course!"
Okaaaaaaaaay... so I don't really know what to make of this guy. He seems so sweet and sincere, his words say one thing but his actions another. How do you just forget about the person you've been snogging for the past few weeks, who's been spending the night with you? Ok, I can give him the benefit of the doubt, but still, I feel I've been the one initiating meeting up the past week or so, but when we meet he's so thrilled to see me and I just don't know what's going on. Is he just buttering me up? or does he like me but is just complicated? After Steve, I don't ever want to be strung along again, I won't do that. Gosh I don't know.